On the day that my morning sickness kicked in, I began spotting red. Ironic, I thought. I finally begin to feel really pregnant, and then I see red. I spotted throughout most of my daughter’s pregnancy and have had five days of implantation bleeding with this one already. So, spotting isn’t unusual for me. But, no matter how many times you see it, that first glimpse of blood during pregnancy is always a heart-stopper.

It was 5:30 in the evening that day, and I had to leave work to pick up my daughter, so I didn’t have time to worry about what I had seen. On the way to the daycare, I had a half-hearted phone conversation with my father. Even if we had that kind of relationship, which we don’t, my husband and I haven’t shared news of the pregnancy with anyone yet, so I wouldn’t have explained why I was so distracted.

I was in a daze by the time I picked up Bear. The teachers in her new classroom had thoughtfully cleaned all her food containers for me, and although this was pointed out to me as I was gathering Bear’s things, the best that I could muster was an “oh.”

My husband wasn’t answering his phone, so I was more or less left alone with my thoughts. Bear seemed content to watch Sesame Street while I sat on the couch and attempted to answer all of my internal questions with Google searches. Just like Google cannot answer the question, “Am I pregnant?” it also couldn’t answer the question, “Is this bad?”

The next morning, the spotting turned brown and then mostly cleared. I called my doctor’s office, just as I did with every other spotting episode throughout my last pregnancy, and as I suspected, a nursed suggested that I have more blood work since I was not yet six weeks along, which is when she said that they started doing ultrasounds. I didn’t tell her that I had several ultrasounds before six weeks with my last pregnancy, because it didn’t really matter. Ultimately, I didn’t think that blood work or an ultrasound would provide any answers other than “looks OK.”

I was already feeling more confident, but I decided that more information is better than less, and went in for more blood work over my lunch hour.

The next day, I was too busy at work to even contemplate calling in for my tests results. I was hastily preparing for a client, when my doctor’s office called.

“Your numbers look awesome,” Amber, my favorite nurse mused. “Your beta is over 29,000.”

“Really? Oh, wow.”

She wanted to know if I had an ultrasound scheduled, which I do – two weeks from now. Since I was in my office and had not closed my door, I knew that ears were listening to our conversation. So, it ended, without me asking any questions about the spotting or the beta or anything.

After she hung up, I wondered if I had heard her correctly. Did she say 29,000? Maybe she meant 2,900. Surely, I wrote it down wrong. After all, words are my thing, not numbers.

Since I was so busy, I had no time to contemplate anything other than to appreciate the message that everything is as it should be.

Two weeks from now, we’ll know more.

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